Ah Christmastime in Texas. The sun is shining, the wind’s whipping through the trees and the temperature is a expected to only reach the high 60s today – a welcome change to the recent stretch of the balmy 80-degree weather that has left my pansies puny and drab.
For this over-achiever who strives for a green, lush and weed free yard at all times, which is entirely realistic with two small boys and a husband who travels (cough, cough, fake cough), this wilting pansy nonsense really puts a cramp in my perfectionist gardening style. But I didn’t pop my head up into the blogosphere to talk about my gardening OCD or the weather or my contempt that I have YET to wear any of the three sweaters that I own. (There’s really no need for sweaters in my part of Texas.) What I do want to talk about though is this low-lying holiday anxiety that’s plagued me since before Thanksgiving.
Image courtesy of my front door.
It all started about a couple weeks before Turkey day when I noticed a few Christmas wreaths and Pottery Barn-like garland appearing on some houses in and around my neighborhood. Wow, that’s kinda early, I thought, but appreciated them nonetheless. Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve always enjoyed the sparkly side of Christmas, all the tinsel and lights and twinkling and cheer. As I slowed my car so I could steal their ideas for a better look at their decorations, I was in awe at these go-getters, who I quickly concluded were a lot better at holiday planning and organization than me.
A few days later while driving through the streets of my suburban town after dark, I noticed several houses ablaze with Christmas lights, and at this point, I don’t even think my husband had even bought our Thanksgiving bird yet. Double wow, I thought. These people are REALLY on top of things. Then that tiny voice inside my head, the one that likes to point out all my shortcomings, gave a little “uh huh, they sure are. And where does that leave you?”
But at the time, I still have a recipe for cornbread dressing conquer, pumpkin pies to bake and a dining room table in serious need of prepping for multiple guests. So as quickly as that little nasty voice spilled doubt into my mind on my Holiday preparedness, I tabled the thought of Christmas and zeroed in on Thanksgiving.
Then I woke up Friday morning – the Friday morning known as BLACK Friday and found my cup runneth over with endless holiday deals and offers, kinda like this:
Yes, that’s my actual inbox. And from the looks of it, you can tell where I shop or at least where I’ve inadvertently ”opted” in to receiving emails. I’m not a big shopper to begin with – and usually end up deleting sales offers like this on a regular basis. But since Black Friday hit and the passage of Cyper Monday, my inbox has received an influx of “junk” that is driving me up the wall.
These emails come on the hour, on the half hour, through the day and into the night. Ding, ding, ding goes my cell phone and then up, up, up goes my anxiety level. A couple days ago I finally turned off the blasted thing so I could concentrate – and escape the constant reminder of the shopping that I hadn’t done but needed to do in order to have a good Christmas. Right?
It’s the same thing every year. I bend over backwards mentally and physically trying to cram it all in – all the shopping, the decorations and the endless lists of more, more, more.
Is it me or has the annual outpouring of holiday retail offers reached an unprecedented level? And doesn’t it seem like the whole holiday buying season started earlier than ever before?
May be it’s the same as last year. May be not. Or perhaps I’m just taking closer notice.
Tis’ the Season for Excess
Over the past several years, I’ve watched my children tear through present after present on Christmas Eve and Christmas day. Typically, each of our boys get an average of 3-4 gifts from each set of grandparents (which in our opinion is way overboard) and at least 3-4 gifts each collectively from their aunts and uncles. That’s an average of 1o or more gifts per kid – and that number doesn’t even include gifts from Santa Christmas morning and the goodies in their stockings.
All told, my boys end up with 15-20 gifts at Christmastime – and that’s on the low end. And to me, that’s borderline embarrassing - especially when you think about all those families who struggle just to put food on the table. Yet, do I want my boys to have a magical Christmas? Yes. Do my husband and I go to great lengths to give them what they want from Santa? You bet. But why then, can’t I stop obsessing over whether or not we’re sending them the wrong message?
As a family, we will go to Christmas Eve mass. The boys have their very own nativity scenes in their rooms. They know that Christmas is the birthday of our Lord Jesus Christ. We devour stacks of Christmas books that tell the story of Mary and Joseph and the birth of baby Jesus in the manager. Yet on the other side of the coin, the side that most people (including myself) focus on, has nothing to do with baby Jesus and everything to do with buying the Christmas that we all think we want and need.
Here’s how I see it. The materialism of Christmas is at it’s worst.
Growing up, I loved Christmas. It literally was my favorite time of the year. I couldn’t wait to tip toe out of my room on Christmas morning to find out what Santa had left me under the tree. My heart would pound as I crept down the hall and then literally explode with joy at the sight of my new toys.
I now get to relive that moment with my boys. I can almost feel their excitement channel through me as they walk down those stairs, wide-eyed and gasping at the multiple treasures under the tree. I want them to experience those moments of pure exhilaration for as long as they can, for there’s nothing like it in the world.
But something inside me can’t help but take pause … for the number of gifts that they receive nowadays are twice the amount my husband and I received as kids. Growing up, we both got plenty each Christmas. But back in the 70s and 80s, things were just, well, different. It wasn’t so much the quantity of gifts as it was the quality of what you received.
We didn’t get any gifts from our grandparents except for may be a $5 bill here and there. No gifts came from our aunts or uncles or cousins. And that was OK. In fact, it never was even a thought nor was it ever expected. All that mattered were those gifts under the tree … in our own homes … on Christmas morning.
‘It’s all so overwhelming’
I recently discussed the whole issue of gift-giving and overabundance with a close friend of mine who is also a mom. Like me, every year she has to deal with the constant demands from her extended family on gift ideas for her kids. “It’s all so overwhelming,” she said, as I stood in her kitchen last week furiously shaking my head in agreement. “They keep calling or sending texts, demanding ideas for the kids. And most of the time, we don’t even know what to tell them.”
To avoid this constant badgering, this year my friend has decided to go out and do all the kid shopping herself for her parents and inlaws - a monumental task that will require time and energy that as a full-time working mom, she just doesn’t have.
We also talked about what all this gift buying does to our budgets. ”We literally are spending money that we don’t have,” she said. And oh boy, can I relate.
As it turns out, Christians aren’t the only ones concerned about materialism during the holidays. A friend of mine who is Jewish, expressed similar frustrations with the traditional gifting during Hanukkah. As she put it to me, “Try eight days of gifts instead of just one.”
To hear what other people think, I recently took to Twitter to vent my feelings:
As a result, I got retweeted several times and received numerous comments, with the overwhelming majority of responders expressing similar concerns. I particularly liked what these three folks had to say:
That last one really stuck with me – especially when you consider that you can’t take any of your material crap with you when you die. So why do we all have this pressing need to keep buying more?
Financial analysts would probably have a hey day telling me that without a healthy rate of consumer spending during the holidays, our economy would take a big hit. And unfortunately, I’d have to agree. Because sadly, this is the society that we’ve created – a society dependent on materialism and possessions. Although I don’t have any ideas on how to fix it, I fear what it’s doing to us and to the generations that will follow.
It Starts At Home
My husband and I have discussed this issue at length and here’s what we’ve concluded: the real meaning of Christmas starts with him and me. It is our responsibility as parents to teach our children that true happiness doesn’t come in shiny boxes tied up in nice little bows (although they are quite festive!). So, we’ve been tossing around a few ideas to help our family achieve more balance this holiday season, such as:
- Adapting a family or child in need and then going shopping as a family for items on the wish lists, and/or;
- Throwing a holiday open house benefiting a local food bank. Invite guests to bring a non-perishable food item instead of a hostess gift.
This is just a start. Whatever it ends up looking like, our goal is to create an annual family tradition that will help increase our focus on the true meaning of the Christmas for years to come.
What are your thoughts on the holiday spending frenzy? How do you maintain a healthy balance, without getting wrapped up in all the materialism around you? Does your family have a special holiday tradition of helping the less fortunate in your community? Please do tell!
